Cutting Down for the Nth Time

After months of battling inertia, I finally hauled my ass into the gym.

I've always hated exercise. Despite knowing that it's good for me, I hate sweating, and being the clumsy oaf that I am means that doing anything physical reminds anyone watching me of a pregnant elephant. I always feel pretty good afterwards - what they say about endorphins is true - but it's the idea of getting started that really puts a monkey wrench into all my good intentions.

But with my cholesterol level going through the roof, other health problems that I have been in denial about cannot be far behind. Whereas my previous efforts to lose weight and stay there have been borne of vanity, this time I really have no choice.

The thing is, that's not the point. The point is, I shouldn't be looking at the gym as a means to lose weight but as a proponent to a healthy lifestyle. That kind of thinking always gets me into trouble.

To do this, I need to develop the attitude of being comfortable in my own skin.

Every time I hit plateau when I am being fanatic about exercise and diet, I get demoralized and stop doing what I'm doing. Soon enough, inertia hits, and before I know it, I've gained everything I've lost. This is key to my living as a yoyo.

I don't want to be this way anymore. I want to live healthy and not be obsessed with the weight anymore. I want to learn how to love my body regardless of the negative screaming voices in my head that tells me I'm fat, I'm ugly, and generally hopeless.

Does anyone know how I can do this? I think I seriously need help.

In the meantime, I plod on, simply because I really have no choice now. For the Nth time, for better or for worse, I have begun again.